Shifting Gears

Rams Head on UrnIt’s a New Moon in Aries today.  A Super New Moon at that.  The Elephant Journal has a great article out today on this new moon, “Trust in the Magic of New Beginnings.” 

In it, the author says, “Sometimes the best thing we can do is close our eyes, hope for the best and jump.

What a statement!

My natal moon is in Aries, as well as 4 other planets.  So I tend to take anything in Aries pretty seriously, especially when it seems that my life is reflecting something – mirroring – the archetypal energies in the sky. And I always take the moon seriously.  Which is why, for the last few days, I’ve been working on my Vision Board.  It’s been about 4 years since I made the last one, and it was time.

The inspiration was carried to me on some new energy flowing through my home over the last few days. It’s got a clean, life affirming vibe. Putting my Vision Board together just sort of ‘happened’, and it was fun and relaxing – not a task on my To Do list.  And even though there are some challenges going on, I find myself walking around with a huge grin my face at the oddest moments, like while vacuuming, or cooking.

I experienced huge shift earlier this week while out for a walk,  Feeling kind of heavy-hearted,  I asked Whoever Was Listening, “How to I shift out of this?” The answer came fast and super simple:  Gratitude.  Ah, of course!  I know all about the Magic of Gratitude so I started expressing thanks for the good things I could see – the beautiful day, the ability to walk, the Turkey Vultures.

And – just like that – SHIFT.

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?  Back in August, after my 2nd or 3rd round of chemo, I began sewing again.  It was something enjoyable I could do throughout the day as my energy allowed.  And since I tend to pick simple things to work on (I sew a mean straight line), I decided to work on some market bags

My intention was to “try one” to see if I liked making it.   Before I knew it, I had made, sold and given away a bunch, and My Hope Totes was born.  If you’d like to see a portfolio (all the bags shown are sold), you can find them HERE.

I thought the name was catchy…a play on one of my favorite movies.  And HOPE, well, it’s been my Anchor Word for the past year –  right up there with TRUST.

When I am feeling HOPE and TRUST, my heart opens, like a lotus towards the sun.  I can feel when it’s happening, that unfurling.  It’s such a beautiful sensation, I’ve taken to cultivating it with much more intention these days.

Whether it’s the Spring, or my recent birthday, or the way Moon is aligned, my Heart Lotus is opening.  I sense it in odd moments while I’m putzing around my house.  My smile usually gives it away.  Embodying the message of HOPE is really what I feel I’m here for.  Like, HOPE is my purpose.  I know what it’s like to feel hopeless, and I know what it is like to have someone there – be it human, animal or event – at just the right time with just the right word to lift your spirits.

I experience that daily, and I want to be that for others.  I’m surrendered into the Service of Hope.  And, the more I give away, the more I feel it myself. Like Magic.

Losing Control

hangmanI noticed several things immediately yesterday, on my First Day On The Job:

One – The Old Woman was compelled  to tell me all about of her accomplishments, all about of her credentials, right out of the box. (and they were impressive!)

I wondered if she forgot the only reason I spoke of my accomplishments and credentials when last we met was because I was on a “job interview.”

It seemed that she was telling me all this stuff about her wonderfulness because she wanted to raise my opinion of her.  She needed to tell me that she was Somebody.  She had Import.  She was Special.   This was all tied into how important the job was to her – to keep her active and “with it”.

At this point, I literally told her:  “I didn’t come here to take your job.”

Two, The Old Woman also went out of her way to emphasize various reasons as to why I wouldn’t like the job.  “It won’t be exciting enough for you.” “There’s nothing creative about this job.” “I told The Boss (her son) that you would be bored here.” (That one was said multiple times.)

*ahem*  OK.  Thanks for that.

And Three, as she was showing me the ropes, it was obvious that she is a Control Freak.  A nice one, to be sure, but a CF just the same.  I lost count of how many times she said, “I do it this way…..” – even down to how to separate the pages of triplicate style form:  “The Whites HERE, the Pinks HERE, and the Yellows THERE.”

Are you fucking KIDDING ME right now?

After a while, I just stopped doing things the way that I would naturally, and followed her instruction EXACTLY.  NOT because I thought it was the best way….but because I was so tired of hearing about HER way.

Maybe she realized what she was saying because a number of times, she back pedalled: “But when you do this, you can do it your way.”  Really?  You’re giving me permission to separate a form “MY” way?

Wow.  Thanks for that.

I also  noticed the office spaces – and there are a bunch of them – need to be cleaned up…organized…updated.  The Old Woman has been using the same plastic baggy to hold stamps in for 15 years.  It’s torn and old.  The desk drawers are full of crap. There are funky Christmas decorations lined against the wall among some other unidentifiable paraphernalia, and it looks like someone dropped them “temporarily” only to have them stay there for years.  Decades old papers and catalogs sit on the shelves, and so much wasted space! All of this spoke to me of something hugely important:

CHANGE doesn’t happen here.

It wasn’t a horrible day.  5 hours went relatively quickly even though – by and large – it wasn’t very productive.  The Old Woman moves and speaks slowly, and goes off on little tangents.  Me?  I am a DOER, and like to GSD (get shit done).

So why would I go back after all of that?

This the question I ask myself this morning…..

Should I just do it for a few weeks for the extra cash?  It was an easy $150, that’s for sure.

Do I want to stay for the practice of getting back into the working world?

Do I stay long enough for my hair to grow back a bit more, so I feel more “Presentation Worthy” in this world where employers will make up their mind about you in the first 30 seconds of a job interview?

Do I stick around to “See What Happens?”  I know that The Boss needs me, and I can already tell he would like me to do things The Old Woman and The Collage Girl (his daughter) either cannot or will not do.  I could really assist him.

And I would love (as in L-O-V-E) to get in there and organize things.  Disorder and junk make me uptight.  I am a  Put Things Right kinda girl.  An “everything in it’s place” sister. I mean, how about we recycle the big old copy machine that doesn’t work and is being used as a table for potted plants?

No question, I could give the whole office space the total Feng Shui-ing it desperately needs.

But would The Old Woman “allow” it?

Would The Boss override her objections so that I could?


I’m going in for another 5 hours today.  It will give me a better sense of What’s What.  This is definitely a case of Progressive Revelation, on all counts. The True for me today is, I have the time to be there right now. I am making some money. And there’s really nothing else I really need to do today, no other job offers coming through (yet), and I am kind curious because I don’t believe in accidents or coincidences.

Who knows? Maybe….just maybe…..

I Am The Change they’ve been needing to see in their world….

In Memory Of Dr. Wayne Dyer

For those who were students and appreciators of Dr. Wayne Dyer and his work, his sudden and unexpected death on August 29, 2015 came as a huge shock.20150805_065656

I count myself as one of those people, and not just because he shared a strong resemblance to my father.

Coming late to the New Thought party, I didn’t hear of Dr. Dyer until sometime around 2002.  But once I had, I was hooked.  Many of his books are on my shelves.  I’ve watched untold number of PBS specials with him as the speaker, and I attribute his work for being some of the most meaningful in my life in the last decade.

As I am not quite up to writing a full post this morning, I thought I would share a fantastic article that arrived in my email this morning.  Written by Luminita Savius over at Purpose Fairy.

It’s called, “15 Life Changing Lessons To Learn From Wayne Dyer”, and you can find it HERE.

I love all 15 of Luminita’s points, but especially No. 11.  It’s one I’m practicing a lot these days….

11. No need to stress over everything.

Believe it or not, there is an invisible force who created the whole world, the whole Universe and this force becomes available to us the moment we stop trying to do it all by ourselves, the moment we decide to allow events to take their natural course and just go with the FLOW.

“Good morning, this is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help. So have a miraculous day.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Wishing YOU a miraculous day as well.

Weaving My Way

SpiderHere in SoCal, the long, hot days of Summer always bring out the spiders.  Seems like every time I look out the window, another bunch of webs has cropped up over night.   They’re hanging from the tree branches to the box hedges, from the post on the patio to the potted plants, from the tomato trellis to the Rosemary.   I’m constantly finding tiny bodied, long-legged creepers in the bathtub, and their bigger cousins in the window sills.   And while I don’t particularly want to share space with those that occasionally find their way into the bedroom, I know it’s just that time of year and they’re just Spider’s doing their spidery thing.

And I, without malice, do what I have to do to keep the house and yard from looking like something from the Addams Family.  Sorry, Spidey.

Anyway, I see the handiwork of these little guys even more than usual, me being a homebody these days.   Because I’ve worked in office environments for almost 40 years,  spending time in my “nest” is something I’ve grown to treasure.  Crave, even!  Oh, give me a three-day weekend and I’m all about the Staycation!  Why would I want to leave after being GONE all week?  Home is my healing place.  My sanctuary. I can’t tell you how many “sick” days were actually used for Mental Health days so I could




As it turns, one of the hidden gifts of this  journey that I’m on is that I now have days and days of solitude and quiet  in my home.  Even though many of them are spent not feeling that great… when  feeding myself, taking care of my body, and feeding the animals is all I can really manage…there are other days when my energy is up and I enjoy it more.   These last few months, I’ve had the time and space to create a few new daily routines and catch up on some long put-off (albeit small) projects around the house.

I’ve also taken up crocheting, of all things!  Who knew?  It all started with the thought that I wanted (needed) something to do to keep my hands busy while watching TV (something I’ve not done this much of in forever), or in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and don’t want to wake anyone.  Sewing came to mind, but that involves noise and equipment and stuff that I may or may not have the energy to deal with long enough to actually finish something.Granny Square

But one day I started thinking about “Granny Squares”.  I’m not sure why, exactly.  Maybe the inspiration came from wearing the little crocheted cap my daughter made for me.  Turns out that once my hair fell out, my head got cold in the mornings, and I didn’t feel like Wigging Up.  (I had no idea how warm my hair really kept my head and neck!!!)

Whatever the inspiration, the idea just stuck.  Granny Squares – like a flash from my 70s past. it turns out they are the perfect hobby for me right now.   After a quick run for some yarn (not too much, in case I didn’t like it), I found a really cool YouTube channel called, “Jayden In Stitches, and learned how to make them.

Each square is like a mini project in itself…something I can complete relatively quickly, and get an instant gratification fix.  And it doesn’t matter if they aren’t “perfect”.  Depending on where I am in the chemo cycle  (a new one starts every 3 weeks), some of my squares may be a little less symmetrical, but no one will notice or care.   Things created by hand are intrinsically perfect because their imperfections.

The other morning, after getting up with a restless mind at 2 a.m., it occurred to me that crocheting is a lot like weaving a web.  I’m using a hook to connect strands of yarn this way and that to form pretty patterned squares that will eventually be connected to form one big Web.  Granted, my web isn’t for trapping unsuspecting food, but it IS trapping a whole lot of stuff right now.

Stuff like my hopes for the future, and my immediate needs for the Present.  It’s catching tears, and fear and some anger.  My hands move faster or slower, depending on the topic, as I’m working things out.  And prayers.  Oh, lots and lots of prayers are going on while I work.  I find myself talking to my Heavenly Mother quite a bit these days – much more than in times past.  I still talk daily with my Heavenly Father…It’s just that She is the one I feel the most need of right now.  I need a Mother’s soft breast to lay my head on, and to feel Her gentle hand smooth my brow and coo to me and tell me, “Everything is going to be alright.”

Turns out I might be channeling Grandmother Spider, as I sit weaving up my Granny Square webs.

“Spider Woman’s themes are magical charms and growth.  Her symbols are spiders and woven items. Spider Woman appears in the myths of the south-western Native Americans as a resourceful helper who spins magical charms and each person’s fate. No matter what problems or obstacles you face, Spider Woman creates the right network of energy to put you on the road toward accomplishment.

In metaphysical traditions, all life is seen as a network within which each individual is one strand. Spider Woman reveals the power and purpose of each strand psychically and keeps you aware of those important connections in your life. To augment this, get a Native American dream catcher, which looks like a web, and hang it over your bed so Spider Woman can reveal her lessons while you sleep. Or, carry a woven item with you today. It will strengthen your relationship with this ancient helpmate and extend positive energy for success in all you do.

 (Patricia Telesco, “365 Goddess: A Daily Guide To The Magic and Inspiration of the Goddess”.)

Here it is…my little work in progress.  I like to lay the squares out as I make them, to help me feel like I’m getting somewhere.

It’s working.