Transformation

Body Talk

/ MamaJ / 9 Comments

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It’s been an interesting week.  Here it is Saturday and I’m just now beginning to see how so many of my experiences tie together.  I’m finally beginning to understand the next phase of the Inner Journey I’ve started a couple of months ago.  My body and my environment are speaking to me.

On Monday, I went to the doctor with pain in my left breast.  Intuitively I knew what was going on – and the answer – but since I hadn’t been to the doctor in a year, I decided to go and get checked up.  The tissue was all inflamed – no lumps, gratefully.  Just aggrevated by all the caffeine in my diet.  Fiber cystic tissue syndrome is pretty common, and I was diagnosed with it about 25 years ago.  In all this time I haven’t had much issue with it but lately, I’ve been sore. 

Breasts are an interesting body part, energetically.  They hover about the main area of the Heart chakra.  They provide nourishment to babies, and gratification for both partners when making love.  Breasts are ultimately ‘feminine’, and as a woman travels through the seasons of her life, her breasts travel with her.   Their tiny buddings herald a young girls’ ripening into womanhood.   We spend untold number of hours focused on them….buying just the right bra, fretting about their size (or lack of it)….wondering if we’re showing them off enough, or – in this day and age – too much.  And just as we’ve hit our stride as mature women, lifted higher with wisdom born of experience, our breasts decide to take a trip South. 

I realize now that my breasts were speaking to me.  The last several months have been a purging of sorts for me, on an emotional and spiritual level.  Lot’s of revisiting, letting go, and transcending.  And I’ve felt so good!  I’ve in so much peace and really feel connected with my life again.  And just as the inner chatter left, my body started talking.  It’s saying that it’s not enough to focus on what comes out of me as I evolve and ascend.   It’s also about what I take in.

I love that.  Whether it’s through food, media, sex or environment, “taking in” is ultimate Feminine energy – which, as I’ve mentioned before, seems to be the theme for my journey these days.  So what better spokesperson than my breasts to call attention to my need to detoxify and clean up my diet.  

It’s not a bad diet.  I eat alot of raw fruits and veggies, grains and legumes.  I eat low fat and low carb.  But I also loved coffee, the occasional cocktail, some chocolate, and some lean poultry or fish.  By most standards, it’s ‘healthy’ enough – but it’s not holistic enough.  It doesn’t adequately reflect my spiritual path and leaves me feeling somewhat hypocritical.  I’ve allowed myself to collect some flotsam and jetsom along the way – sort of like I had emotionally.

Tumel over at Thoughts and Things posted a video for the Bloggers Against Abuse campaign, and I just this morning made it over there to see it.  And it spoke to me as well, in a powerful way.  I hope you’ll take a visit, and a look.  I wasn’t able to view the whole thing in one sitting, but I intend to go back and try to finish it when I feel less convicted. 

So the ground has been weeded and cleared, and seeds of change have again been planted in my heart.  The message is clear:  It’s time to allow my inner life to be reflected even more in my outer choices.  And to allow my outer choices to support and inhance my inner journey, in a more loving and nonviolent way.

The Power of Us

/ MamaJ / 13 Comments

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People all over the world today will be blogging against it.   I imagine that there will be  multitudes of people retelling their own personal stories with it as well.  Stories of pain, heartbreak, fear, courage and triumph.  People will be blogging as to the nature of it, the root of it, and the answer to it.  It involves children, women, men, animals and the Natural world.  Governments and Politicians do it.  Judicial systems and military systems do it. Sick demented people do it.   Average, every-day people do it.

Abuse

Can anyone read that word without reacting strongly to it?  And what is abuse, anyway?  So much comes to mind.  For the sake of my post I’d like to define it simply as this:  The abnormal use of personal power. Ab-Use.

With each new day, each of us is given a blank slate.  From the moment we open our eyes, we have the opportunity, given to us by our Creator, to be the Masters and Mistresses of our lives through the gift of free-will.  We have the use of our bodies and our intellects, our creativity and our feelings, our spirits and our words.  And we can direct them in whatever way we choose.  What power we have been given! What enormous potential for good – in both large and small ways.  Unlike any other creature on the face of the planet, we have the wherewithall for self-realization and self-actualization.  We have the mental processes and physical capabilities to give shape to anything that our minds can imagine.

Humans are extraordinary in their ability to transcend even the most horrendous, heinous situations.  We’ve all seen the beauty that can arise from the most impoverished conditions.  We’ve seen faith shown in the face of insurmountable odds, and courage, grace and joy demonstrated in the midst of complete disaster.  We’ve been witness to an outpouring of love – and with it, forgiveness – in direct response to the most unloving, unforgiveable of human atrocities.

To me, these examples define the ‘normal’ use of our personal power – normal in the sense that we are most like the One Who Created us when we utilize our free wills in ways that perpetuate good will,  harmony, community and safety towards one another.  Towards the Earth.  And towards those that will come after us.  To me, it is normal to be a good steward of our resources, to offer a kind word rather than a harsh criticism, or a healing touch rather than a slap to the face.  It is normal to want to make sure that each person and each animal and each resource is treated with respect, honor and a sacred awareness that we are all connected on a deep, mysterious level.  It is normal to give.  To protect. To love.  When we engage in anything else, we have forgotten our sanity and our humanity and our divinity. We have become abnormal.

Today, I would like to offer a prayer.  A prayer for all of us.  May we be ever mindful about the way we chose to use our personal power towards one another and towards our selves.  May we be in our right minds as we interact with each other – minds that have been renewed and healed by the Spirit of God.  May we demonstrate to our fellow citizens, to the Earth, and to our children that it is normal to be kind, brave, generous and truthful.  And may we never forget that we have been granted the unbelieveable honor of demonstrating the power of Love – the very nature of God – in every choice we make.

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THANK YOU to RubyShooz for making this blogging event known to so many of us.

Fruitful Moments

/ MamaJ / 8 Comments

Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart:

Consider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, “I just love.” Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.

Fear of Flying

/ MamaJ / 14 Comments


Betrayal.

Some word, isn’t it?  It’s one of those words that brings up feelings of the very ‘worst’ in human experiences.  Adultery.  Lieing.  Cheating.  Faithlessness.  Duplicity.  Broken promises.

How those promises are broken, and by whom, is what I’d like to write about today.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned going through the worst betrayal of my life.  A month ago, I spent 48 hours in the sort of emotional pain that literally took my breathe away.  I was left in shock, disoriented and crushed. It was one of those “out of the blue” moments, shown so powerfully in tarot Major Arcana card, The Tower.  The Tower represents Sudden Unexpected Changes in our lives, where we are metaphorically tossed out of the window of what we believe to be a very secure and stable structure:  Our Own Thoughts.  Our foundational beliefs.  Just looking at the Tower is enough to make one cringe back in horror, fingers splayed in the Sign of the Cross, muttering “No! No!”

Not a pretty picture, is it?  How many of us have spent years constructing permenant impenetrable belief systems about others, life and – most importantly – ourselves?  We become experts at arguing our case, justifying our stance, and holding tight to our own versions of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘what is’ and ‘what is not’ True.  There is a sense of safety born of  having strong opinions and beliefs.  They can help us navigate our personal lives with some sort of continuity and structure.

With new eyes, I’ve come to look at that same structure as a prison of sorts.  I’ve come to understand that the tighter I hold on to “my” beliefs and “my” interpretation of things and “my” experiences, I can completely lock myself off from ever experiencing the So Much More that is out there.  When I let go of what I think and believe – and the judgements that come with that – and begin to look at life (and other peoples lives) – from an Observers/Students Point of View, something miraculous happens.

The details of my recent Tower experience aren’t nearly as important as the effect that it had on me.  I do remember the morning I woke up, on the second day, and Everything had changed for me.  Everything.  It was like a huge Gate had opened up in my consciousness and I could See – maybe for the very first time – how intricately interwoven all events in our lives are.  First, the events of my own life – and second, those intersections of my life with another.  In a very real way, I felt the Karmic Wheel of Life being worked out in my own reality and – because of that – I could see that every single person in my life, whether I have ‘judged’ them good, bad or inbetween – is some aspect of my own personality.  They are each important contributors to my spiritual evolution and awakening.  They all come to me, as I come to them, with gifts, lessons, and opportunities.

Because of this….because of being able to see how all is connected…. I knew there was only one thing for me to do.  I would honor the Law of Sowing and Reaping as a harvest came to full fruit in my own life by doing nothing else but forgive.  The choice was up to me but, having seen my own Face reflected back in the face of the other, forgiveness and release were my response. And I could honestly forgive with a grateful heart.  With this one act, the Circle had been completed, and an entirely New Life had opened up before me.

The Tower experiences of life can feel alot like something is being completely destroyed and we are left free falling falling falling downward to our death. Today I’d like to suggest that the Tower Experiences – and our response to them – are ultimately designed to shake us up in such a way that we have the opportunity to view life – and ourselves – from a Higher Perspective.  We have a choice when tossed out of the window of our safe, secure lives: We can fall to a painful death.

Or we can fly.

Namaste.

Busting Wide Open

/ MamaJ / 13 Comments

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…photo by Grace

Look at it. Isn’t it just amazingly beautiful? This tree is so plump with life, it just busted wide open – offering its juice-filled contents to anyone (or no one) who might pass by. After spending a few moments this morning admiring Her gift, I realized something.

I want to bust wide, too.

There is a scripture I love so much, Galatians 5:22-23. The Message gives it life like no other translation:

“But what happens when we live God’s way? S/he brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.”

Just reading these words this morning makes my eyes fill with emotion.  Let’s see if I can explain why.  It may take a few posts to do that.

When I disappeared from Blogland, I was on a Mission.   Frankly, I didn’t know who I was any more.  I didn’t know what I believed in. And I didn’t know where I was going. That was a very scary place for me! My emotional life was on a downward spiral, the likes of which I hadn’t experienced for a long long time. My head was full of facts and speculations, static and stress.  My heart was a pile of broken glass – grieving for something that never even existed in the first place. And – the scariest part – I was without an anchor spiritually. With all of my spiritual “seeking” and adventuring, I had somehow disconnected from the Source of all Life in such a way that I no longer felt I really knew It’s presence.  I was truly lost – and I found myself flailing about and raging, swinging at demons and screaming silently about injustices, all the time begging – truly begging – for Someone or Something to show me my way Home. For Love.

Two distinct things happened to assist me on my way back Home. One, I unplugged from the Internet (both literally and figuratively) and tossed out all of my spiritual paraphanalia.  And then, I hit my knees, and surrendered.  Everything.  To be perfectly honest, I was in such a state of confusion, I wasn’t exactly sure WHAT I was surrendering to.  But I did it anyway, as an act of faith born out of desperation.

Now I see that I surrendered to Love.

I spent the next couple of weeks Seeking the Presence that is both within me, and around me.  I cried great gulping sobs – pouring out my Heart to “Anyone” who might be listening.  All of the pain and hurt.  All of the feelings of powerlessness and broken dreams.  All of the fear and aloneness. And then, when I was too exhausted to cry anymore, I slept.  Rather than blogging, I wrote in my journal – learning to reconnect with my own Voice that sounds like God.  And I read foraciously.  When I picked up “The Gift of Change”, by Marianne Williamson, I was like a starving person handed a 3 course meal.

It was then that I came to realize that there is nothing I’ve ever pointed the finger about, that I hadn’t done myself to some degree or another, at some time or another, to one person or another.  There is no “me” and “them”.  There is only “Us”.  My problems – and my answers – weren’t ‘out there’ at all. They were all inside of me.  All of them – demons and Divine alike – that whole time.

Sometimes when the Light hits one of my personal Shadows, its painful at first.  A real  gutwrenching sort of painful.  I felt temporarily blinded by the shear power of the Illumination It had brought, after walking in the Dark for so long.  So I cried some more, this time with repentance, release and renewal.  And where I could, I made amends – then hit my knees again.  And surrendered again.

When I came up, I was a changed person.  I had fallen in love again with God, and began to love my self.  Peace ran like a river within me, and the joy of living in the Present Moment began to permeate my life.  My outer world began to change in the most wonderful ways.  And I felt hopeful and full of life.  Which was a good thing.

Because just short while later, I would experience the worst act of betrayal in my entire life.