Fear of Flying


Betrayal.

Some word, isn’t it?  It’s one of those words that brings up feelings of the very ‘worst’ in human experiences.  Adultery.  Lieing.  Cheating.  Faithlessness.  Duplicity.  Broken promises.

How those promises are broken, and by whom, is what I’d like to write about today.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned going through the worst betrayal of my life.  A month ago, I spent 48 hours in the sort of emotional pain that literally took my breathe away.  I was left in shock, disoriented and crushed. It was one of those “out of the blue” moments, shown so powerfully in tarot Major Arcana card, The Tower.  The Tower represents Sudden Unexpected Changes in our lives, where we are metaphorically tossed out of the window of what we believe to be a very secure and stable structure:  Our Own Thoughts.  Our foundational beliefs.  Just looking at the Tower is enough to make one cringe back in horror, fingers splayed in the Sign of the Cross, muttering “No! No!”

Not a pretty picture, is it?  How many of us have spent years constructing permenant impenetrable belief systems about others, life and – most importantly – ourselves?  We become experts at arguing our case, justifying our stance, and holding tight to our own versions of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘what is’ and ‘what is not’ True.  There is a sense of safety born of  having strong opinions and beliefs.  They can help us navigate our personal lives with some sort of continuity and structure.

With new eyes, I’ve come to look at that same structure as a prison of sorts.  I’ve come to understand that the tighter I hold on to “my” beliefs and “my” interpretation of things and “my” experiences, I can completely lock myself off from ever experiencing the So Much More that is out there.  When I let go of what I think and believe – and the judgements that come with that – and begin to look at life (and other peoples lives) – from an Observers/Students Point of View, something miraculous happens.

The details of my recent Tower experience aren’t nearly as important as the effect that it had on me.  I do remember the morning I woke up, on the second day, and Everything had changed for me.  Everything.  It was like a huge Gate had opened up in my consciousness and I could See – maybe for the very first time – how intricately interwoven all events in our lives are.  First, the events of my own life – and second, those intersections of my life with another.  In a very real way, I felt the Karmic Wheel of Life being worked out in my own reality and – because of that – I could see that every single person in my life, whether I have ‘judged’ them good, bad or inbetween – is some aspect of my own personality.  They are each important contributors to my spiritual evolution and awakening.  They all come to me, as I come to them, with gifts, lessons, and opportunities.

Because of this….because of being able to see how all is connected…. I knew there was only one thing for me to do.  I would honor the Law of Sowing and Reaping as a harvest came to full fruit in my own life by doing nothing else but forgive.  The choice was up to me but, having seen my own Face reflected back in the face of the other, forgiveness and release were my response. And I could honestly forgive with a grateful heart.  With this one act, the Circle had been completed, and an entirely New Life had opened up before me.

The Tower experiences of life can feel alot like something is being completely destroyed and we are left free falling falling falling downward to our death. Today I’d like to suggest that the Tower Experiences – and our response to them – are ultimately designed to shake us up in such a way that we have the opportunity to view life – and ourselves – from a Higher Perspective.  We have a choice when tossed out of the window of our safe, secure lives: We can fall to a painful death.

Or we can fly.

Namaste.