The Sky Inside Me

A random draw this morning from the Hope Cards I received as a gift....

A random draw this morning from the Hope Cards I received as a gift….

Today is my 59th birthday, and I’m giving myself a gift.

I’m deactivating my Facebook account.

I think I’ll wait until tomorrow, and start fresh on April Fools Day.  Seems appropo on so many levels.

The idea of leaving Facebook has been building for some time now.  Robert Ohotto planted the seed weeks ago as I was listening to his series on the Saturn in Sagittarius phase we’re in.  This 2 year transit began in December of 2014 and runs through December of 2017.  Interesting enough, my natal Saturn is in Sag, and my Second Saturn Return is also now in play.

Was it a coincidence that the breast cancer showed up in the same month this transit began?

Um, No.  Synchronicities, if we are paying attention, guide us.

One lesson emphasized in this phase is learning to say “NO” to one thing in order to say “YES!” to something else.  Saturn is giving us an opportunity to incarnate the next level of our potential, through the alchemical lens of TRUTH.  We’re in heavy turf here.

This is about Ego identity, and the Teacher has a shit load of questions:  Who do we really think we are, anyway?   How do we define success, and are we disciplined enough to get there?  Where are we most insecure and vulnerable to the criticisms of others?  What beliefs (perhaps, false beliefs) make us vulnerable, and what would make us stronger in that area?  In which ways have we repressed our growth, by holding our creativity hostage?

And (this is a biggy) do we sacrifice changing our lives in favor of the status-quo?

The jigs up. No more looking at life through rose-colored glasses.  No more hiding from our shadow alliances, our shadow agreements, our shadow esteem.

The Sheriff is in town and he has come to assist us into a new more authentic, more grown up and more responsible way of living.  This new potential comes from the Unknown of our life.  Which means we have to be willing to take risks to get there.

We are literally giving birth to a new self, and Saturn is here as our Coach urging us to breathe, to pace ourselves, and to remind us that we can do this if we are rigorously honest with ourselves and others.  TRUTH is the key.

What is True for me right now is that Facebook isn’t fun any more, and it really hasn’t been for some time. After analyzing this for weeks, I could give example after example for each reason.  But the bottom line is, I simply do not belong there – at least, not right now.  My psychic feelers are too sensitive.  I’m still bloodied and recovering from the Dark Night I just underwent.  I’m struggling to use the right filters when I want to comment or post – filters that help me speak the same language as others, without compromising my own truth.

The sky this morning at about the time I was born. The pattern looks a lot like the Hope Card I drew!

My 3rd eye is wide open and I can’t bear watching all the connecting being done through woundology.  This is part of this whole energy we’re in as well, with Chiron squared up as it is with Saturn.  All kinds of karmic hurts and past traumas are coming up in the Collective, and I find myself triggering people, and all manner of things are appearing – like when you lance a boil or pop a zit.

I am, after all, a Wounded Healer in my own right.  I just don’t go around talking about it, and haven’t for a good while.

It is possible, after all, to be too real and too raw.  Too honest.  No one invited me to call out their Bull Shit (FB trolls especially hate that).  This is “truth” as well, and one I’ve struggled with my whole life.  When to speak, what to speak, and when to keep my mouth shut.

I’ve done a pretty good job of keeping my mouth shut most of the time.  I definitely see growth there.  But Channeling Saturn, playing The Shadow, holding up The Mirror, has resulted in a bit of an emotional train wreck for me – especially since all of this is happening in my 7th House of relationship, and on the heels of everything I’ve gone through this past year.

So, time to cut myself free.  Time to give myself an energetic detox, and get jiggy with my Fools’ Journey.  With Chiron in Pisces, there is a thick pea soup of feelings to wade through, and I need all my wits about me if I want to walk assuredly and not fall off the cliff.  Destiny is in play and I have a sense there are things inside of me that have never been tapped into before.  New potential.  New skills.  Who knows?  Maybe I’m a late bloomer like Van Gogh, and there’s a masterpiece wanting to make an appearance.  He’s one of my favorites and it just so happens we share the same birthday.  (Happy birthday,Vinny!)

Showing The Taskmaster I’m serious about freeing myself from the addiction of distraction is important, and Facebook is the last frontier.  Kicking the habit will not only be “good” for me, there’s a reward is waiting for me when I do.

Saturn is cool like that.

Creative pursuits are my healing modality of choice, and while I put sewing and crochet aside for now, I’m excited about the other things I’ve got going.  Monday morning starts a series of pottery classes (a birthday gift from  my husband ) and that’s awesome.  My first attempt at this class several years ago crashed and burned after only 2 sessions.  This time, I’m going the distance.

Last week  I signed up for a couple of online painting classes – one with Shiloh Sophia, the brilliance behind the artwork in one of my favorite decks – The Mother Mary Oracle. There’s a Vision Board calling my name, my little garden to tend, some tinctures I want to try my hand at, and a new career to uncover.

And something else that’s shown up and worth exploring – I’ve found myself doodling and hairdrawing as I journal in the morning.  It’s like the right side of my brain is all excited, which is pretty funny because my hair is literally growing in post-chemo with the Right Side lit up like a two-bit whore on a bottle of wine!  (Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up!)

Even the desire to write is making an appearance again, after being underground for a long while.  Who knows?  Maybe all those people were right last year who said to me, “You should write a book!”

Maybe.  Just maybe I will.

9 thoughts on “The Sky Inside Me

  1. I shall not utter a word of complaint about you leaving FB. ( I still get your wisdom and your sharing here…)
    I am so interested to read about the shift that you are going through. “yes” and “no” are power words that have far reaching ramifications. Health issues create a whole paradigm shift, don’t they? ( on top of Saturn and the entire cosmic playground)
    ehyeh ašer ehyeh


    • So much has shifted…but that is as it should be. (I use I AM affirmations just about daily. They have been very powerful for me, and – I believe – helping to steer this shift in a super positive direction).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear you girlfriend – I’m also at a juncture with some things in my life that needs a change of direction. I have been thinking of dumping my Pinterest and possibly my Twitter accounts though… thank you for the encouragement. I know precisely* what you mean about not belonging there. And I needed the phrase ” Saturn is giving us an opportunity to incarnate the next level of our potential,” to know I’m not wrong to be thinking about having come to the fork in the road, and needing to take it….


    • ((( Jen ))) Thank you for getting me. I SO do not Twitter! LOL I remember several years ago when I was there – all I could think of was that it was very much walking into a loud and crowded party that’s been going on for hours, standing in the middle of the room, and yelling “HEY! HERE I AM!” :) I know your case is different as your livelihood as an artist and instructor depends on some sort of marketing. Social media is typically the “go to” (although it’s SO overdone, I wonder if that is still the case?) But I’m wondering what was to appear, if you’ve been feeling like that needs to go? One of these days I am coming down to see you live and in person! I live so close to the studio!!! xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought this morning you already are an author, and your truth and gifts can be shared with many through a book! Your creativity is itchin’ to get out and I can’t wait to see the birthing you do! Blessings angel! :) PS: Facebook is a great marketing medium, so I hope you don’t close it down completely! :)


    • Carole, thank you so much for the kind and supportive comment. LOVE the name of your dot come, by the way. How do I join? LOL Facebook….wow….you know, I “think” I want to go back at some point, but it’s amazing what a nice shift I’ve experienced just in the week since I closed shop. Maybe after 8-9 years, taking a long hiatus is a good thing…and when (if) I go back, it will be with something new to bring to the table. :)


  4. Good to see you again Grace.. :-) I called around in October and left a message.. I thought you may have given up the blog world… I see you did for a few months.. :-)
    Glad you are exploring art.. It is what helped me through some emotional times. And love that your hair is growing.. Looks lovely and thick and wavy.. :-)…
    I will now have a skip through your posts to see what you have been up to..
    Have you changed your blog name? only I don’t appear to be following this yet I was.. I had wondered why I had not seen any posts from you..
    Love and Hugs.. and so good to see you in blog land again xx
    Sue xxx


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