In Honor


Later today, the doctor will be cutting out a piece of my breast.  3 cm, more or less.  The size of a kiwi or a Roma tomato.

 Maybe smaller if all the prayers have worked….

I just finished my “antibacterial” shower, the second in less than 12 hours (doctors orders) and applied the Lidocaine patch.  The patch needs to be in place 6 hours before the lymphatic mapping procedure at 11:00, where they will inject me with a blue contrast material and after which I might have a little after glow going on that might make me look gray around the gills.

The nurse told my husband not to worry…I might look like I’m not breathing, but it’s just the dye.  Awesome.  It will go great with the gray hoodie I’m wearing.

*sigh* It will be a long day at the medical center.  I have to be there at 8:30 for the needle localization…a procedure where they insert “needles” into my breast as markers for the surgeon.  This will give her the tumor coordinates, so to speak.  Surgery is scheduled for 1:30 and I’m thrilled that they keep telling me I will be ready to go home at about 4:00.

As I washed myself a few minutes ago, touching my breast with healing and compassion for what is to come, I couldn’t help but wonder.  Wonder at this companion I’ve carried with me for 58 years, from tiny bud to full ripe fruit….through the nursing of two babies and sensual delights of an unmentionable number iof lovers.  I’ve loved my breasts and hated them, only to come around full circle to love once again once I realized that they were in jeopardy.  That I  was in jeopardy.

And I couldn’t help but wonder how the surgery will effect the way my breast will look and feel….what angle the scar will take and whether or not the change will be obvious to others.  It will definitely be smaller but my doc has assured me that she will make the shape as “nice” as possible.  Having a female surgeon, and an excellent one, gives me great confidence.  She gets it, in a way no man ever could.

Naturally, prayers have been going forth that the cancer be obliterated…the tumor shrunken like a dark brown raisin under a white hot sun….leaving a fresh healthy margin in its place.  I’ve been praying that my nodes are clear, and that the surgery itself will be quick and brilliantly successful.

But now…in the early dawn hours as I lie here, cleansed and waiting, I want to thank my breast.  To honor her journey thus far, and to pay homage.  It….I….will not be the same after today.  But I vow to love myself, scars and all, into health and wholeness, with a holy gratitude for the gifts my breast – my entire body – has given to me.

The precious and fragile and resilient and mysterious earthen vessel that houses my soul and makes this journey through physical life possible, I Thank you.  I Bless you.  I Love you.


9 thoughts on “In Honor

  1. Praying for you cancer ass kicker and warrior sister. I know how scary this journey through cancer is. Sending oodles and oodles of healing energy and heartfelt hugs to you. {{{Love, love, love to you in body, mind and spirit}}} Lots of good, strong energy to your husband as well, to be a comforting presence and pillar of support for you.


  2. Dearest Grace, you know my heart is with you, and my love is being sent as you undergo this procedure.. Know its gone.. vanquished forever.. As you nurture your inner you, Sending you and your family love and support … You are in my prayers.. Love to you dear Grace.. xxx Sue <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much my dear dear friends!! It was an extraordinary day….one I will never forget. Everyone who worked on me was not only exceptionally kind and gentle, but worked on me with such skill and accuracy that “PERFECT!” Was a word I heard over and over. While the pathology is still out, the doctor said my nodes looked nice and “fat”, which is a VERY good thing…indicating that the cancer did not travel far. And while I do have a considerable scar (looked just now for the first time) my tata Is looking awesome and “perky”. (LOL)…albeit a cup size smaller…NOT a bad thing as I believe she now matches the other side quite nicely :-) While a bit sore, nothing unmanageable in the least (thanks to chemistry…hehe) and she didn’t put in any drains!! Yay! I can even take a shower later today!

    THANK you all from the bottom of my heart for your love! prayers and support.


  4. Dearest Sister–just logged on after a few days off. You’ve had a healing candle on my altar for weeks now and you must know how thrilled I was when I read your final comment. I sense a blessed peace surrounding and through you, and I know that you are past this scare and have taken the learning to heart. Goddess, in Her infinite wisdom, be with you as you heal.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear Grace just dropping by to see how you are doing and reading your update it seems everything went PERFECT.. Sending more perfect energy your way as your heal.. Love to you.. Sue xxx <3


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