A Hard Day’s Night

Standing outside at 3:00 am this morning, I basked in light of the gorgeous full Leo moon that hung in the sky, a single perfect pearl against a black velvet. How ironic is Life, that something so beautiful and awe inspiring could be part of the same 12 hours that contained the Inconvenient Truth handed to me by my doctor: The biopsy from last week showed Ductile Carcinoma.

Breast cancer.

That we unexpectedly had my 6 year old grandson for the night was a blessing in disguise.  My daughter, suddenly struck with a fever of over 103 Sunday night, needed to go to the Emergency Room yesterday. So my husband picked up our Little Man to stay with us for a couple of nights while Mommy gets better, even though he wanted to stay with me in a show of support. I told him that if he really wanted to support me, he needed to do this rather than sit in the waiting room, waiting.

I explained to him that everyone has their way of dealing with nerves and me? I always do better when I know my family is OK. So begrudgingly, he hit the road.

By the time I was done with Biopsy No. 2, my grandson was fast asleep in the passenger seat looking like a sweaty little angel and completely at peace. As we pulled out, Mr. Man looked in the rear view mirror and asked how everything went. I just mouthed the words “It’s cancer”, and turned to stare out the window. We would discuss details later.

So, there it is. I have an appointment with a surgeon on Thursday and will get more information on the process then.

There is some good news. I feel myself rousing from the lethargy that’s held me the last couple of week, and just now, I can feel fire lighting up my veins again. The “waiting” is over, to a certain extent, and I can sense a rising up inside of me.

Yesterday was Imbolc. For some reason, this – and the Goddess Brigid for whom this special festival day is connected – seem important. There is a message here for me, even thought I don’t know anything about either.   I can feel it. This feeling came to me this morning, after my moon gazing and while I was praying. As I moved through my prayers, talking first to Jesus, and then my Father, I suddenly found myself praying to the Great Mother, the feminine face of God. It was completely instinctual and seemed very appropriate. A sense of fierce calmness came over me. A sense that the both the Warrior and the Healer inside of me were waking. I’m not “there” yet. I know I have many miles to walk on this journey before it’s completed. But I feel strengthened by the symbolic messages of Love that the Universe arranged for me yesterday.

12 thoughts on “A Hard Day’s Night

  1. “There is in every true woman’s heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” Washington Irving

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. May She guide you and wrap you in Her infinitely loving arms.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish I was better at comforting with words. I guess I’m more the type that would sit with you and hold your hand and just listen, unspeaking. I would put my arm around you and let you cry for hours if you wished. But when it comes right down to it, only you can fight this battle. Only you can triumph over it. I believe a few months from now, you’ll be looking back on this ugliness and scoff at it: “Pfft. Thought you could mess with me? Well, I showed you!”


    • Aw, thank you very much. Trust me, your comment IS comforting…it really is. And while I do have to take this journey alone, I won’t be by myself…I know I have a wonderful group of souls surrounding me with their love and support. I appreciate that you took the time to comment. It was very much like the hung and hand holding you described. Xox

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m late in reading this and know you’ve received happy news since (YAY!!!!), but I wanted to let you know about how our family “conceptualizes” and honors Imbolc because I think it’s very fitting for what you’re experiencing. Imbolc is the time when it is technically the beginning of spring (a time of rebirth and new births, of beginnings and fresh starts) though you wouldn’t know it to look around you. Everything still looks like it’s the dead of winter. The darkness still outweighs the light and, for the most part, our surroundings are stark and maybe even barren. The cold still sinks into and chills the bones and springtime’s beauty and blossoms are still a dream. It is a time where much is going on under the surface of the Earth; a time of faith that what cannot yet be seen will come to fruition, will manifest; a time of waiting, of trusting, of tuning in, and of determining which seeds we wish to plant for the coming year and what we want to grow both inside and outside ourselves. <3


    • My love, WA…thank you for expounding on Imbolc for me! This is very much a Beginning for me, and your words confirm some additional messages I have been receiving around this health issue. Now that I feel like I have my sea legs under me again (it’s a little shocking how much body material they actually took out of my breast…) I know exactly what seeds I want to plant. Your description here is a beautiful affirmation to my souls voice. Many thanks. xox


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