Risky Business


When someone you love says something cruel, abuses the love you have for them, and cuts you out of their life, it can feel as if your heart shatters into a million pieces.

In one sense, love is always a crap shoot.  Every time we extend love to another, we risk.  We risk rejection.  We risk betrayal.  We risk Euphoria :)  However, there is one guarantee that comes with Love: It always exists somewhere in our lives.  We just may be looking in the wrong place for it.

One of my favorite Bible passages says this.  It’s 1 Corinthians 13, from the Message:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all It’s mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
   Love doesn’t strut,
   Doesn’t have a swelled head,
   Doesn’t force itself on others,
   Isn’t always “me first,”
   Doesn’t fly off the handle,
   Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end. 
  Love never dies.

Now, I know the Bible isn’t really popular with alot of people.  It’s been tampered with on so many levels, it’s almost impossible to know fact from fiction.  However, I still appreciate the wisdom that I find in it – just as I do with the wisdom I find in other texts.  Even beloved fairy tales like “The Little Mermaid”…

“We have not immortal souls, we shall never live again; but, like the green sea-weed, when once it has been cut off, we can never flourish more. Human beings, on the contrary, have a soul which lives forever, lives after the body has been turned to dust. It rises up through the clear, pure air beyond the glittering stars. As we rise out of the water, and behold all the land of the earth, so do they rise to unknown and glorious regions which we shall never see.”

Love never gives up…never looks back…and never ends.  How powerful that thought is to me today, as I consider this person that I love so much, and who has walked away from my life yet once again.  This is not the first time she’s left in a heated, dramatic huff.  The first time was when she was 15 years old.  The second, when she was 18.  And now, at 20, she’s doing it again.  Interestingly enough, she left about this time 2 years ago:  The month of October.  I’m sure there’s a key there for me, but I haven’t gotten to it yet.  One key I do have is this:  It’s not about ‘me’, no matter what she says.  Having a daughter with the sorts of emotional dis-ease that mine has, has been my greatest Teacher in lessons on Unconditional Love.  For that I am grateful, but I didn’t ‘attract’ her behavior.  And I certainly didn’t cause it – any more than I caused my father’s lung disease or my cousins cancer.

But I do have to deal with it, the best I know how.  And for me, that means loving her from a distance.  Keeping healthy boundaries and an open heart.  Forgiving her is now second nature.  But more importantly, I will not give up on her because I see her with the Eyes of Love.  The eyes that look for the best in her, and that don’t look back.

20 thoughts on “Risky Business

  1. I too find many nuggets of wisdom in the bible, as I do with many other religions and systems of belief. I’m not prejudiced about where I find my wisdom.

    Speaking of which, you share great strength and wisdom here, Grace. I feel your maternal pain and my heart aches, yet the love that sustains is shining through. I treasure this wisdom for all who have been there or are there with you:

    “But I do have to deal with it, the best I know how. And for me, that means loving her from a distance. Keeping healthy boundaries and an open heart. Forgiving her is now second nature. But more importantly, I will not give up on her because I see her with the Eyes of Love. The eyes that look for the best in her, and that don’t look back.”


  2. Thank you ((( MW ))) You comment opened up the tears for me…something I really hadn’t allowed myself to do since this happened Saturday morning. Your presence, compassion and empathy did that for me. Thank you….xoxox


  3. Found you through Oceans…
    My heart goes out to you during these times of growing pains with your daughter. I believe you hold great wisdoms on the topic of LOVE and believe that love always grows when nurtured…even if from afar, even if painful and difficult. Love doesn’t come with instant gratification, like a craving for salt & driving through McDonalds for fries. Sometimes the biggest & hardest lessons in life, perhaps like those that your daughter is struggling with, are the most valuable and although she may be in a ‘huff’ now, we must believe that this is all part of her learning & living so that she can learn, live & love in a manner which is ultimately healthy for herself & therefore, those around her. Looking back at my own turbulence in my youth, I am grateful for my pains & aches of the heart, and for the steadfast & unwaivering support of my mother, as I know it was those painful times that gave me the wisdoms, loves & lessons I have learned to date. Love Grows & much love to you!

    (((( SLB ))) What a wonderful gift to have you find your way here and leave such a beautiful comment. As I keep an eye to the future, my hope is that she will continue to grow and – as part of that growing – understand the love I have for her. Thanks for stopping by and for the love – right back atcha!


  4. You’ve keyed in on the most important part of this process – loving from a distance. But how unnatural this seems for a mother! I went to see Into The Wild this weekend, (which was a fantastic movie by the way)and one of the themes was about the parent/child relationship. Children don’t take their parent’s love for them very seriously. When we have our own children that changes, but usually not until then. If she knows there is always a forgiving place in your heart for her, that will serve to bridge all kinds of chasms.

    Sending you hugs today {{{{{Grace}}}}}

    ((( Karen ))) Thanks so much…it does feel ‘unnatural’ and clumsy…but I’ll do it :) Haven’t seen the movie! I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for stopping by!


  5. This was an enjoyable read! Wish I could offer up something more than “an enjoyable read” but I don’t have much experience in this area. Now, if I started to talk about my children, that would be an entirely different story! BTW, a nice new piece of music.


    Thank you ((( Hawk ))) It’s always nice to have you stop by and leave a little love.


  6. BTW, do you have the ability to enable your emoticoms on this site with WP? Nice three column selection btw!

    Thanks :) And I think I flipped that switch for you!


  7. You made me tear up at work, I wasn’t expecting that. It’s been a tough couple of years where my oldest (19) is concerned. We had to kick him out (I hate that term) last November, due to his defiance, disrespect,drug use and eventually stealing from us. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I’m tearing up again just thinking about it. In retrospect it was the best thing we could have done for him but it was heart wrenching decision. Loving from a distance is all I can do. He doesn’t want my help (unless it’s monetary)and being too close just kills me as I watch him make mistakes that will effect the rest of his life. He knows I love him unconditionaly but he also knows I won’t help him go furthur down the path he’s chosen.

    My grandmother always said when they are little they step on your toes, when they are big they step on your heart. My grandmother was a wise woman.

    ((Hugs)) to you

    ((( V ))) Sounds so familiar, I could be writing those words myself…. Big Hugs back to you…Keep the Love!


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  9. You have written with love, and because of that, we hear you. You are extremely right, it is not about you, yet, it is of you, the two are so rarely divided, if ever.

    To love with all your heart, to love from within the recesses of your heart, is to take it on, no matter what the cause, begins it all begins and ends with us regardless. Yes, it is her, but it is you feeling the consequence.

    Reach down, as far as you can, and just breath. Sometimes that is all we can do and somehow, just breathing presents us with the opportunity for something new.

    Peace Grace, peace.

    Thank you so much, S.E., for the sage advice. Just today I was thinking about my need to get back into a regular meditation time. Due to a back issue, I haven’t been to yoga in about 3 weeks – so I know for sure my breathing has been off. :) Great reminder and thank you for being One with me on this. Peace!


  10. Dearest Grace, my mother heart goes out to you…because I can’t imagine my toddler not wanting our relationship…and I can’t imagine my heart enduring that big enough of a crack. I can’t imagine that LOVE will help us get through the challenging years ahead…and yet Grace, again you offer hope because your story, albeit painful, is so full of your higher wisdom…

    I do have a story about LOVE that I hold close to my heart though…because it has saved me many times from walking out the door. During a time when Tom was detaching himself from his ex’s life and malice, it often affected our relationship. One day I was making lunch while tears rolled down my cheek and wondering aloud how the hell we were going to get through this. I heard a voice inside my head…not my own…a wiser, more LOVING voice tell me that we were going to get through it together. That our LOVE could easily overcome the poison of her hate, just because it was OUR LOVE. During a moment of despair, I was graced with Goddess’s LOVE…there is no greater gift…and I knew that we were blessed with a piece of Her.

    We really can’t help but LOVE…we are born from it after all…

    I know I’m new around here, and haven’t read much of your wisdom…but this by far is one of my favorite. Thank you Grace…

    LOVE to you sister,

    Oh, Lil! ((( Lil ))) Thank you so much for your compassion and support. And you’re right! It’s only by the grace of Goddess that I am able to walk in a level of peace about this and have been able to move past the hurt to a place of only Love. MommaGod to us…back from Us to Her through each other… Thank you for sharing your story as well! It’s these times when we share like this that help to strengthen and encourage all of us. Blessings of love to you!


  11. Oh Gracie,
    I just don’t know how anyone couldn’t love you completely – you are such a kind a tender soul. I wish I could give you a hug. You’re a wonderful woman – I love you to pieces.

    Thank you, Sweetheart. Your words mean more to me than you know and I so appreciate your ability to ‘see’ me like you do. I love you, too, Annie!


  12. grace..how poignant..as a mother i feel for you…(((hugs)))…it will all work out…because she knows you will always be there for her..


    Thank you, Karoline! :) I believe it will work out as well…and that everything is as it is meant to be for this time. Your lovely comment is so appreciated.


  13. makes me feel so terrible for all the heart-ache I’ve put my Mum through….I have always said I’m the daughter from hell! but hey, I’m sure my kids (if I ever have any- hope so!) will get me back 10 fold.
    (((Grace))) I’ll be praying for you both.
    God Bless xoxo

    oh….. :( Being a daughter is HARD. Being a mom is HARD. Let me tell you about how I feel….all it would take would be another call from her saying, “Mom, I’m sorry…” and this ‘would never have happpened’ in my treatment of her. We are all doing the best we can, love…and thank you for your prayers….


  14. I’ve always been a horrible daughter too, at least that how it feels to me. I have talked to my therapist about it, actually, about the way I can’t seem to help myself from reacting to things that my mom says. It is complicated, as human nature generally is, but I think eventually I’ll be able to change my own reactions. If your daughter is anything like me, she might not even like her own reactions, and she might still not be able to help them. Regardless, she’s 20, and giving her the space to come to grips with whatever is causing her to lash out is probably a good thing.

    I think sometimes with women, we fight against our mothers until we’re able to establish ourselves as independent women, and gain confidence in that.

    Or maybe it is just personality conflicts.

    Hi, Deb…. Yeah, Mom/Daughter relationships are amazingly tricky. I didn’t have really great, longlasting female friendships until I healed my inner issues where my mom was concerned. It’s funny how much like her I didn’t want to be, and yet, I was :) I’ve come to a place where I can embrace her strengths and forgive her weakness and shortcomings and failures – who am I to judge? Having my own daughter orchestrated much of that. I wish this thing with C. were that easy…It’s possible she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, or something similar…I’ve been dealing with her rages since she was 7 years old. Thanks for stopping by….


  15. I can offer only love. I have lit a candle , sent a prayer, may peace and strength be with you.

    ((( Sorrow ))) What a beautiful gift. Thank you – from my heart.


  16. (((((((((((((((Grace))))))))))))))))))))))) What an announcement. I thought you were. Why do you do this, if you don’t mind the question? I considered doing this but rejected the idea. Here’s why, which I’ll share. If someone subscribes to your comments and you modify a comment which has already been read by someone within their reader which most people use these days, your reply will go un-noticed. Unless, of course, they come directly to the site.

    Now, I may be wrong, but what I have read-up on in the world of blog technology and feeds, not all feeds (for comments) update themselves if you make an edit.

    Now, isn’t that as clear as mud. I’m still researching this (hate this word), so I’ll let you know what I find out. That is if you even care! It’s all a little confusing at times. Just what I wanted, to be more confused about things which I’m already confused about!


    Ato de…

    Hummmm Not only did I not know that (about the feeds and such), Hawk, but I don’t really care about all that. I don’t subscribe to any feeds myself so maybe that’s why it’s not been anything I thought about???? I appreciate your concern though, Raptor :) Why do I do this? Well, it helps me to focus on the person’s comment as a single entity and replying directly in their space helps me with that. Another thing is, it helps me to keep my sidebar free of my own commentary…believe it or not, I’m actually more interested in what others have to say than my own ramblings! LOLOL ;-) Peace and Joy, wonderful Hawkster.


  17. How brave you were to choose these experiences, Grace. I think we learn the hardest and most valuable lessons from those closest to us, and they are the ones who can bring the most pain. Whatever this lesson is, or perhaps it is to learn a new deepness of love, I have faith you will learn it well. Blessings of love and light to you to help you sit with your pain and choose to love even more.


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