I find myself thinking about it a lot lately.
Obsessing over it, even, if you can call waking up at 2:00 a.m. with it on your brain “obsessing”.
It didn’t seem like this would be an huge issue for me, like it was for Mom. From the time I was a 10, she was forever talking about it and picking herself apart over it. Which would have made her the ripe old age of 35 at the time.
But sure as shit, it is an issue. I am AGING.
Please note that the word “graceful” isn’t anywhere around. The very last thing I feel right now is graceful. It’s more of a Bull in the China Shop feeling that accompanies me these days.
Walking the “I’m Going To Age Gracefully!” talk at 57 isn’t nearly the same as doing it at 27 (which my daughter does!) Or even at 47!
Hell, my 40s were the hottest, juiciest, most attractive years of my life! In fact, my libido got get me a heap of trouble during those years. Marrying a 32 year old stud muffin helped. We had CRAZY amazing sex and couldn’t keep our hands off each other!
But I digress…
My 40s were truly some of the best years of my feminine life. I also recognize them now for what they were: My hormonal Last Hoorah – that last huge cluster of fireworks that light up the sky and leaves everyone’s blood pumping, and mouths opened wide in, “Awwwwww!!!!”,
Little did I know that with The Change only a hot flash and night sweat away, I would be begin a journey of change that would – at times – leave me unrecognizable to myself. Physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.
7 years in, I am both more accepting and more critical of myself. I know that, where it “really” counts, I have been honed, tested and tried by Life, and have become a Diamond Girl. I am a good woman. A skilled and wise crone. A Love machine!
But when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and spontaneously think, “Who IS that middle aged frump??”, you know it’s time for some deep and significant self love. The kind of self love that recognizes that at this stage of life, “FALL” isn’t just a season.
It’s a descriptor for everything from my tits to my jowls to my sex drive.
Now….what to do about it….