Killing Me Softly

20140927_162234(these little guys were in our tree to greet us upon our return last Saturday)

I’m home.

Home after two weeks of traveling, getting out of the office away from the toxicity, and having the opportunity to remember just how beautiful the world around me really is….

How beautiful life can be when one is not chained to a desk 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, month after month, year after year….

How beautiful I am.

And while it appears that I just came back to the same ol’ shit – different day, appearances are deceiving.  Not only did I come home with a refreshed attitude and a cleansed auric field, I came home with a Promise.

Not a little promise.  A big one.  Like, a HUGE MASSIVE “you are NOT going to believe this!” kind of promise.

Honestly, I can hardly contain myself.  The feelings I have are that strong and the messages I’ve received are that obvious – from both nature and human alike – that I’d have to be completely dense to miss them.

In fact, just this morning about 4 a.m., I received another message.  My ears pricked up when I heard it in the distance, it was so unusual.  And it was a first in all the time we’ve lived here.  From out of the hills it came, like it had been waiting to see the light in my bedroom window flick on before making its way across the dark sky to land on the tree outside my bedroom window.

It was Loud.  Undeniable.  Powerfilled.


Owl – who speaks to us of wisdom and the ability to see what others cannot see, of having the inner sight necessary to navigate dark places with ease, and of heightening intuition.

But what strikes me the most is that Owl is the harbinger of CHANGE:  A kind of change that is so significant that in some cultures they call it death – a symbolic ending of one way of life as it transitions to another.

And that is what My Promise is all about:  The Divine has gone to extraordinary lengths in the last two weeks to tell me that my life is going to experience significant, lasting, and positive CHANGE.

It would take post after post to describe all of things that have come to me over the last 2 weeks, some in the most unusual places at some seriously unusual times.  But since I am a Storyteller by nature, I know that at some point the stories will come: when they are ready and when the time is right.

But not today.  Not now.

See, for as much as I honor words…as much as I use them and believe in them and assign power to them….. there are times when words are woefully inadequate in describing something very personal and significant.  I don’t want to risk cheapening what is going on inside of me.  I only want to yield to it.

In the yielding, I now surrender all that I think I know about life and who I am and what I want, so as to allow for Radical Transformation to take hold of me.  For a New Creation to be birthed from the ashes of the old.  Life will never be the same.  I will never be the same.

I’m ready.

It’s time.

Let’s do this.

“The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Road Trippin’ Again

Shaman Healing Hand Window(Photo credit and copyright The Wild Pomegranate)

Do you believe in serendipity?  Divine messages?


I do.  I have for many years now, and after my trip last to Arizona last week, I believe in it even more.  I knew going into this trip that it wasn’t a coincidence that I’d be going to the Sedona area, after just having a really huge “Aha!” moment. And sure enough, something unusual happened.  A whole bunch of unusual, actually, but this is where the Magic started and all I have time to write about before I hit the road again this morning for another road trip with my husband up where the ancient Redwoods grow.

The photo above was taken on my first morning in Camp Verde, AZ, from inside the bathroom of our hotel room. The manager moved me into Room 111 after we discovered the A/C wasn’t working in my original room, 101.  As soon as I saw my new room number, I couldn’t stop grinning.   111 indicates an Opening – a New Beginning – and connecting to our soul mission and life purpose.

We unpacked, had dinner, and hit bed pretty early.  It was at about 3:30 the next morning when I discovered The Hand.  I stumbled into the bathroom before planning on  making some coffee and spending time with my journal and a special deck of cards I brought with me for this trip:  The Gateway Oracle deck by Denise Linn.  If you’re familiar with Denise, you know that she is of Native American heritage.  I consider her to be a powerful Medicine Woman.  So it just seemed right that I take the Gateway Deck with me, as I entered one of the most sacred Yavapi, Hopi and Apache areas in all of Arizona.  And when I sat with the cards a bit later that morning, the message I received was a powerful one about letting go, standing in my power as a leader and a healer, and so much more.

Anyway, there it was when I flipped on the light switch and it was all I could do not to shake my friend awake.  Neither I nor Marge made this hand print.  It wasn’t there when when we checked in, and it wasn’t there when we went to bed. No one had been in the room besides us.  I had personally opened that particular window earlier in the afternoon to let some smoke out and I used the handle.  This was something I couldn’t have missed and it literally appeared over night.  From what we could tell – was made from the inside of our room.

We watched the Hand over the course of the next couple of days through steamy showers, changes in sunlight, and everything /anything else   that we could think of to “debunk” it.  When the sun was in the exact placement of where it had been when we first checked in, it clearly showed up.  My own hand is larger than this (see below), and my friends even larger than mine – so it wasn’t like one of us accidentally placed our hand like that and forgot.

Frankly, Marge was a little freaked out by it, as were my other friends when I posted it on Facebook. But I never once felt scared!! In fact, it felt like a blessing to me, and – more importantly – for me:  Room 111 with a bullet!  And it’s how I knew I was in the right place at the right time.

When I began looking around a bit, I discovered that the hand print on our window looks like the Hopi symbol for healing and peace, as explained to me by two different Native American women I asked at separate times.  Here I am holding up a surprise gift from my friend to show the similarity.

The Hand, as it turned out, was just the beginning of a number of “messages” I received while in Arizona.  I hope to have enough time next weekend to write some more, but now I have to get ready to hit the road again for the week.  In a way, I wish I was going by myself so that I had some alone time to process everything that happened.  But I know that regardless of where I am, or who I am with over the course of the next 6 days,

And the fact that Mr. Man and I will be spending half of that time up in an area of California where the ancient redwoods grow isn’t lost on me.  It’s been 4 years since we’ve been to Moses Gulch – the location of our first vacation together after reuniting.  We had been divorced for 5 years and, against all odds both emotionally and relationally, we remarried two and a half years ago.

I’m so happy that I have the symbol of the hand to take with me/  It’s been a rocky road emotionally over the last couple of years, and Healing and Peace are definitely what I need.  Even just writing that, the tears well up.  But I gotta go now.  So the tears will have to wait.

For now – it’s Road Trip time and the sunrise beckons.

Road Trippin’

Tomorrow I leave on a four day road trip out of state with one of my best girlfriends.

I love it when I have the chance to combine work and pleasure, and also have the opportunity to invite one of my home girls to ride shotgun.  We mostly work desk jobs, and these sorts of trips breathe new life into us by giving us the chance to get away and blow off some steam (and mostly on the boss’ nickel!)

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my last post…the people involved, the comments made, the wisdom to be had…Whenever I get invited to engage in another level of personal transformation, two things happen:  One, a layer gets peeled off the eyes of my understanding and I am left looking at some aspect of myself that needs to be healed, transmuted, acknowledged or embraced.  The second thing that happens is, suddenly I am being supported and surrounded in new and meaningful ways.

One of the places I’ll be visiting over the next several days is Sedona.  Oh, beautiful, sacred, powerful Sedona, with it’s breathtaking terra cotta mountains sculpted by the elements over the eons, it’s robin egg blue sky, and the deep evergreen foliage.


I’ve been to this area several times, and every time I go, I experience amazing magic.  The entire area is saturated in ancient Native American spirituality and powerful energies.  These are holy grounds.  I’ve stood on the top of the red rock mountains where powerful vortexes are located with dowsing rods in my hands.  I’ve sat in meditation and prayer on the very spots that shamans and medicine men of old did.  I’ve heard the voices of the Ancestors in the winds as I stood on the cliffs at sunset.  100_0161

It’s no coincidence that after a powerful awakening was triggered within me yesterday, that I would be going Sedona tomorrow.  I am SO READY.  I know something – someone – special awaits for me there.  Yeah, I gotta work on Tuesday.  But the rest of the four days are mine to play with and I intend to soak up every bit of the miraculous. There is powerful medicine there.

Every time I go to Sedona, It’s as if I’m coming home….and when I leave, I am a changed woman.

The timing couldn’t be more perfect.

Eye Spy

eye_spyYesterday, I had a very interesting experience here in Blogland.

Well, THREE very interesting experiences, actually, and all in a single day.  This, in and of itself, was extraordinary. When something happens 3 times in a row, I know to pay extra attention.  I know the universe is speaking to me. (side note:  I’m an Penta-Aries. Mars is my planet, and I relate very strongly to the Empress Card (The Earth Mother)….if you opted to click on that link).

The fact that this all happened on 9/11 is also of import because 9/11 was a game changer for me.  But that story for another time.

Here’s what happened.

Three times yesterday, I stumbled upon posts that were written in direct response to, and inspired by, a comment I made.  Imagine that!  Little ol’ me saying something interesting enough (or, in one particular case, so misunderstood enough) that an entire post was dedicated to me – as in, I was mentioned in the opening lines!   Not once…not twice…but thrice!

Here comes the surreal part.  In all three cases, after these gals had been so inspired (or triggered) by something I had written that they spent what was surely a good amount of time framing and crafting their posts, none of them – not a single one – mentioned me by name:  Grace, of The Wild Pomegranate.

Nope. These posters spoke around me, using general terms to describe me like, “a commentor” and “one of my readers”.

The first time this happened, I giggled.  This blogger had seen a comment I made in reference to Dragonfly – a very potent ally when it comes to personal transformation – on someone else s blog.  Thinking about how Dragonfly starts as a lowly, mud crawling nymph who later becomes this beautiful iridescent high flying wonder, my comment was “Dragonfly teaches us that the way we begin is not necessarily the way we will end!

How fun, I thought!! The fact that she didn’t feel like mentioning specifically who inspired her didn’t seem that important at the time.  We’ve never visited each others blogs before, and serendipitously intersected at the same time and same place for a spark of inspiration to ignite.  No biggy!  (Although I did comment on her post, to let her know I had seen it). Ha! :)

But when it happened not once, but twice again, all in the same day, it gave me pause.  In fact, by the third time I wasn’t giggling at all.

In a very real way, reading these three posts felt as if I was attending a cocktail party, chit chatting along, when people started talking about me as if I wasn’t there…all the while I’m standing right next to them/

WTF is that? Am I invisible? Am I not important enough in their estimation to be personally acknowledged?  (Something I would do, if for no other reason that being polite.  But hey – that’s just me).  Did they feel threatened in some way, if they named me by name?

Didn’t they realize that I would be reading, and notice?  Or were they hoping I WOULDN’T notice, and just keep moving along?

This morning, I’ve got my Nancy Drew on.  I’m on the case, and I’m looking for clues and I’ve found a couple so far – but not enough to draw any conclusions.

One clue (besides the fact that all were female) is this:  In each case, the woman considers herself some sort of authority or guide or expert.  They’ve publicly declared to the rest of world that they are here to help us in some way:  Help us become better people or better writers.  They are here to teach us how to be more in touch with ourselves, our soul, and who we really.  And they’ve gone to great lengths to describe themselves as such.

This – along with the fact that they didn’t mention me by name (OK, pen name, but I’m blogging anonymously right now and without guilt – as the cute little photo on my side bar declares) – seems very important to me.

Keeping in mind that I am not to take anything personally (one of The Four Agreements, if you’re familiar, by the divine Miguel Ruiz), and yet, the world is always playing Show Me/Show You with all of us, I’m going to keep digging.

So far the only thing I find about myself reflected within this whole deal is that I’m female.  I don’t proclaim to be a teacher or an expert in anything except my own journey.   And because I get paid to write as part of my professional life, I am particularly sensitive to giving credit where credit is due.  If the Editor hadn’t put my name on any of the articles I’ve had published over the years, it would be weird.  I know this.  Even here, if one were to review my posts over the years, they would  notice that not only am I careful to give credit, I regularly promote the work and creative endeavors of others just because I want to.  In fact, I love promoting others.

Maybe that’s why I’m in Marketing.

Anyway, this investigation is a long way from being closed.  My own moral compass insists that I remain True North – even when it’s uncomfortable.  Even if it doesn’t make me the Popular Girl.  And even if it means taking a deep, hard, honest look at myself.  That’s no longer frightening after all I’ve been through, and after all the work I’ve done these many decades.  I’ve been to Hell and back and lived to tell about it.  I know who I am, what I’m here for, what I stand for and where I want to go.

But there is always something new to discover – about myself, about life, about others.

And you know what they say – the third times the charm!